Thursday, January 28, 2021
Monday, May 25, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Silver lining
After a long long time I am here.
It's not that I don't have anything to say or share, it's actually the other way around. I have too much to share. Things I have attained, opportunities I have lost. New people who have come into my life, old ones who have walked out. Joys and of course the setbacks.
Yet there remains lots of topics that may not touch me directly but causes deep anguish and pain. You might think it's outright stupid of me to think of such but thoughts are beyond control, right!
Recently a friend of mine has started an initiative to spread awareness about victims of acid attack. Happy, hard working, girls with dreams for a good life, ambition to make it big have lost almost everything due to some crazy animal of a man and his screwed thinking. In fact it is unjust to label them as animal because even animals don't attack you unless they are hungry or scared for their lives.
These men most of them are jilted lovers who know nothing, absolutely nothing about love. Their bestial nature completely overpowered the humane sensibilities and made them wreck the lives of girls/women they said they loved.
Since their respective attacks, the only place these girls can visit is hospitals as their friends, neighbours, relatives have stayed away from them.
On the other hand there is a silver lining too. I recently attended the wedding of a colleague. She belongs to a rich family but one where girls are still married off at 18 or better 19!. To come from such a background and make her career in a dynamic and field like media is surely an achievement; not just for her but even for her family who accepted her ambitions and supported her to strive ahead.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Mazaa
हर दर्द की दवा होती है
हर ज़ख्म का इलाज होता है
मज़ा तो तब आये
जब दवा ज़ख़्मी हो
और इलाज सिर्फ दर्द ही दे पाए
हर ज़ख्म का इलाज होता है
मज़ा तो तब आये
जब दवा ज़ख़्मी हो
और इलाज सिर्फ दर्द ही दे पाए
© Antara Banerjee Gupta
Sunday, August 28, 2011
When I was a li'l girl,
My mother used to sayy
If I be a good girl
There will be a dayy.
When, a Prince will come
and take me away
To a land of joy
where together we will stay.
Thanks God for Cliff Richard. Its been six months man! Six months of being married...If I say I could not believe it, its not because I didn't expect it but for the simple reason that its already six months. While I feel its just yesterday when I met Prayas (that's his name:)) But now we are married happily, though yes we fight (latest being today morning), we argue, disagree, throw tantrums yet it does not take long to bury the hatchet.
I had loads of apprehensions regarding marriages in general and being a finicky, egoistic, hot tempered person, there were many demons in my head. The run up to the wedding was not that smooth either scaring me further. But now after six months of living with a whole new family, I can say that I am not a very bad person and there are people to vouch for that (many more smileys follow).
But jokes apart, the last six months have been a period of learning. Lessons that no amount of formal studying can teach, knowledge that no amount of books can give and education that no institute can impart. Except life.
I learnt about relationships that are not by blood yet are made for life. I learnt love is not about how much you get but how much one can give and in the process you get drenched with love; of a mother who has not given birth to me but still stay awake till 2 in the night for me to return from office, of a father who did not teach me how to read and write but make sure that I am the first person to get to read the newspaper in the morning, of a younger sister who is yet to know my likes and dislikes yet never forgets to help me dress up and apply make up, every time I go out; a set of grand parents who due to age are not very interactive but extremely vocal with their blessings, love and care. And of course how can I not mention that one man who made it all possible. A finicky, short tempered, impatient person for the world but an ocean of patience, a tower of strength and my personal shield from everything that hurts, annoys and upsets me.
I was never a naive, happy-go-lucky person. Matured beyond years, shy, introvert, I always used to ran for cover whenever an opportunity brought me to the centre of attention. But now things are changing albeit slowly but they are. I am trying to come out from my shell while feeling comfortable among new friends and gradually sinking into new roles.
My parents and sister will always be in my heart but I can feel that few new people are also making their presence there. I am looking forward to many more such six months.
My mother used to sayy
If I be a good girl
There will be a dayy.
When, a Prince will come
and take me away
To a land of joy
where together we will stay.
Thanks God for Cliff Richard. Its been six months man! Six months of being married...If I say I could not believe it, its not because I didn't expect it but for the simple reason that its already six months. While I feel its just yesterday when I met Prayas (that's his name:)) But now we are married happily, though yes we fight (latest being today morning), we argue, disagree, throw tantrums yet it does not take long to bury the hatchet.
I had loads of apprehensions regarding marriages in general and being a finicky, egoistic, hot tempered person, there were many demons in my head. The run up to the wedding was not that smooth either scaring me further. But now after six months of living with a whole new family, I can say that I am not a very bad person and there are people to vouch for that (many more smileys follow).
But jokes apart, the last six months have been a period of learning. Lessons that no amount of formal studying can teach, knowledge that no amount of books can give and education that no institute can impart. Except life.
I learnt about relationships that are not by blood yet are made for life. I learnt love is not about how much you get but how much one can give and in the process you get drenched with love; of a mother who has not given birth to me but still stay awake till 2 in the night for me to return from office, of a father who did not teach me how to read and write but make sure that I am the first person to get to read the newspaper in the morning, of a younger sister who is yet to know my likes and dislikes yet never forgets to help me dress up and apply make up, every time I go out; a set of grand parents who due to age are not very interactive but extremely vocal with their blessings, love and care. And of course how can I not mention that one man who made it all possible. A finicky, short tempered, impatient person for the world but an ocean of patience, a tower of strength and my personal shield from everything that hurts, annoys and upsets me.
I was never a naive, happy-go-lucky person. Matured beyond years, shy, introvert, I always used to ran for cover whenever an opportunity brought me to the centre of attention. But now things are changing albeit slowly but they are. I am trying to come out from my shell while feeling comfortable among new friends and gradually sinking into new roles.
My parents and sister will always be in my heart but I can feel that few new people are also making their presence there. I am looking forward to many more such six months.
Monday, June 06, 2011
The tree
I had taken a week off from office. I had to. Last two months were incredibly chaotic, multiplying like amoeba. Effortlessly. So I am here in Krishnanagar, a tiny hamlet so away from the world that had I not visited it myself I would not have believed that it exist.
The first three days since I have arrived here, have been simply wonderful. I did things, I had never done nor did I think that I would ever do. I went fishing with the guesthouse cook, ate with my hands that too sitting on the mud floor! Come to think of it again even my mom would not believe it. And the best thing I did not smoke at all. Yet I felt so refreshed. Is this called bliss? Maybe.
Yesterday I planned to explore the woods that surround the entire north eastern side of the village. I left after breakfast. The village is small but the wood looked monstrously huge. I entered it with lots of trepidation but once inside, it did not seem so menacing anymore. Tall proud green pillars rising towards the blue ceiling with creepers and grass covering the floor. I don’t remember how long I was in there but one thing did strike me, there were no birds, none at all. I didn’t see any, I didn’t hear any.
The fact was scary. Why would a forest full of lush green trees, not attract any birds. Then I noticed there were no insects or reptiles visible either. Why? A strange fragrance was in the air. A notoriously sweet smell, so sweet that it made me giddy. As I walked around, I discovered the source of it. A tall 6’ shrub with leaves as large as elephants’ ear, luscious looking fruits and fiery orange coloured flowers. It was appealingly ugly. I wanted to move away from it but to my horror I found myself walking towards it as if some invisible power was pulling me towards it. There were more of them some distances away.
With trembling hand I reached for a flower. The moment I touched it, its petal clamped down on my palm. An excruciating pain shot down my hand. I started screaming for help while trying to pull out my hand from the carnivorous plants’ grasp. But in vain.
While struggling to free myself from its grasp, my steel bracelet got entangled with the petals. They immediately shrank, at first I did not notice but as I continued to struggle, my bracelet too continued to touch the petals and the flower stem. Suddenly the plant released me. As I tried sitting up a creeper from the plant wrapped itself around my legs. By now, I had realized that it was my steel bracelet that had got me released.
Being a junk jewellery fanatic, I was also sporting a steel chain around my neck. I yanked it off and tied around the creeper on my leg. It immediately withered off. Like a madman I started slashing it towards the plant. Whenever the chain touched the plant, it shrank. For few moments it looked as if the plant had reduced in height. Sensing it, I turned back and fled for my dear life.
At the guest house the cook cleared my wounds and bandaged it. He then told me about the carnivorous plant. It eats up everything.
I realized that my stainless steel chain and bracelet were completely new and strange for it to fight back. Stainless steel had crushed its ferocity and got me my life. Till then the metal was just that for me, a metal which looked good. Now it held a fresh new interpretation. It could save life.
© copyright with Antara Banerjee Gupta
The first three days since I have arrived here, have been simply wonderful. I did things, I had never done nor did I think that I would ever do. I went fishing with the guesthouse cook, ate with my hands that too sitting on the mud floor! Come to think of it again even my mom would not believe it. And the best thing I did not smoke at all. Yet I felt so refreshed. Is this called bliss? Maybe.
Yesterday I planned to explore the woods that surround the entire north eastern side of the village. I left after breakfast. The village is small but the wood looked monstrously huge. I entered it with lots of trepidation but once inside, it did not seem so menacing anymore. Tall proud green pillars rising towards the blue ceiling with creepers and grass covering the floor. I don’t remember how long I was in there but one thing did strike me, there were no birds, none at all. I didn’t see any, I didn’t hear any.
The fact was scary. Why would a forest full of lush green trees, not attract any birds. Then I noticed there were no insects or reptiles visible either. Why? A strange fragrance was in the air. A notoriously sweet smell, so sweet that it made me giddy. As I walked around, I discovered the source of it. A tall 6’ shrub with leaves as large as elephants’ ear, luscious looking fruits and fiery orange coloured flowers. It was appealingly ugly. I wanted to move away from it but to my horror I found myself walking towards it as if some invisible power was pulling me towards it. There were more of them some distances away.
With trembling hand I reached for a flower. The moment I touched it, its petal clamped down on my palm. An excruciating pain shot down my hand. I started screaming for help while trying to pull out my hand from the carnivorous plants’ grasp. But in vain.
While struggling to free myself from its grasp, my steel bracelet got entangled with the petals. They immediately shrank, at first I did not notice but as I continued to struggle, my bracelet too continued to touch the petals and the flower stem. Suddenly the plant released me. As I tried sitting up a creeper from the plant wrapped itself around my legs. By now, I had realized that it was my steel bracelet that had got me released.
Being a junk jewellery fanatic, I was also sporting a steel chain around my neck. I yanked it off and tied around the creeper on my leg. It immediately withered off. Like a madman I started slashing it towards the plant. Whenever the chain touched the plant, it shrank. For few moments it looked as if the plant had reduced in height. Sensing it, I turned back and fled for my dear life.
At the guest house the cook cleared my wounds and bandaged it. He then told me about the carnivorous plant. It eats up everything.
I realized that my stainless steel chain and bracelet were completely new and strange for it to fight back. Stainless steel had crushed its ferocity and got me my life. Till then the metal was just that for me, a metal which looked good. Now it held a fresh new interpretation. It could save life.
© copyright with Antara Banerjee Gupta
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My first story published in Woman's Era
Title:
Life again
Since last evening, Kapil has been acting strange. His usual silence has gone, been talking on and on. He has shared anecdotes of his office, colleagues even of college days which if not shocking is actually surprising.
Arpita is confused. First it took her six months to adjust with a husband whose preferred means of answering was monosyllables, ‘’yes’’, ‘’no’’, “thanks”, ‘’hmm’’, ‘’lets see’’, ‘’why not’’…maybe, fair enough, sure were others in the series.
And suddenly after 6 months, it’s like sleeping with a stranger. Yuck!
“You know Pits,” there he goes again thought Arpita as Kapil sauntered in the kitchen with the newspaper in his hand, ‘’lets’ bunk office today.” He said it very casually but because he said it, the work horse, Arpita almost choked on her coffee.
Within next two hours they were on the road zipping towards Jaipur, while she instructed her assistant about the store and certain priority orders, he just sent a simple message to his boss.
The road was smooth, weather was near perfect and the mood was amusing, all of them together had crafted a happy journey. Arpita was lost in her thoughts, going over the last six months of her married life which was also the first six months of her married life. Kapil has always been the thorough gentleman. Polite, but not friendly, articulate bit not talkative, well mannered but not warm. Caring but not loving. Their nights had intimate moments and passionate snatches which always ended abruptly. As if those moments were not a deliberate endeavour to complete a relationship but hasty attempts to achieve normalcy when it was least there.
Her in –laws preferred to return to Allahabad so within a fortnight of her marriage, she was the mistress of the huge deluxe apartment in the posh DLF Phase IV, Gurgaon. Initially she tried to bestow more attention to Kapil and their home and expected a deluge of love and camaraderie in return. When the reciprocation remained a trickle, she went back to her first love, Maya, her studio. She was an expert in jewellery designing and had won numerous awards for the same.
Maya kept her going.
“Am hungry, Pits, wake up” Kapil snapped his fingers in front of her; “You are lost, where?” His amused look brought a smile on her face and she replied, “let’s stop somewhere to eat.” “Yeah but am not liking any of the dhabas we are passing by, but then I am famished too.”
They finally stopped at a small dhaba. The mud floor was sprinkled with water, the sweet fragrance of jasmine welcomed them and the spotlessly clean seating arrangement looked so inviting. The man at the counter welcomed them with a namaste and a friendly smile. Kapil was a tea lover, the stronger the better. Arpita’s relied on green tea but dhaba chai was always welcome.
Adjacent t the dhaba was a green field full of mustard crop. It looked beautiful. They requested their teas and pakodas to be served at the small patch of grass near the field. The small grassy carpet under a shady tree looked as if it was designed by nature for them. Sipping hot and sweet ginger tea, seated under the shade, with bites of oily and spicy pakodas is any fitness freaks’ nightmare but today was different.
“What do you think Pits, why I am behaving so differently? You must be surprised but then you are so patient. Not one question. Or are you too hurt to even bother me with any question.” The way he looked at her dried her throat. His voice sounded heavy with an emotion that she found so difficult to accept. Guilt.
He questioned again, “Don’t you want to ask me anything.” The pleading in his voice was dropping from his eyes. His steady stare made Arpita uncomfortable, ashamed and naked as if she was with a total stranger.
He turned away. The highway was visible from there but they will not be seen from the roads. He took another bite off a pakoda. After taking a long sip, he started slowly, “I loved Kanchan a lot.” Arpita let an I-thought-so smile faintly escape from her and shook her head. “We dreamt and planned for a life together. She was very extrovert, exceptionally talented and unquestionably ambitious. The only thing she lacked was beauty but all her other attributes added an aura to her plain looks and opened all doors for her.”
“And then I saw you at Anshul’s wedding. My eyes followed you the entire evening.” For the first time since yesterday, Arpita was shocked really shocked. Kapil had seen her before their first meeting as arranged by their families. Now she was all ears!
“I watched you in admiration. The more I wanted to turn away thinking of Kanchan, the more you pulled me back. You are definitely better looking but appearances never my priority. It was everything about you. Then Buaji spotted me looking at you. She told me everything about you and your family. How your mother single handedly brought you up. How you worked your way to college and started working young.”
“That’s why I was surprised to know your bua asking to meet Ma. After all divorced women are outcastes and their kids are treated similarly,” blurted out Arpita.
“My parents and I do not possess such disgusting mentality.’’ Kapil reached out and took Arpita’s hands in his and squeezed it firmly. “What did you say to Kanchan, how did she reacted? It was unfair to her.”
Kapil let out a deep sigh. “I went over it for a week before speaking to her. For once she was speechless. While I was fumbling and fretting, trying my best to appear normal and making a complete mess of it, she got up, hugged me and left. Without saying a word. I knew she was running away so that I don’t see her crying. The next day she left Delhi. And till yesterday I was cursing myself for hurting her so monstrously.
“Till yesterday?”
“Yeah, the seminar I was at, even Kanchan was attending the same. I saw her and stayed rooted to the spot. She saw me, waved at me and rushed to meet me. There was no animosity, no accusation, no bitterness at all. She is currently the MD of a Singaporean IT company. Still unmarried but immensely successful. She took me out for lunch and over there accepted that my decision was not wrong.” Kapil waited for few seconds and then continued, “I feel she could not say it to me that my decision released her and helped her in flying higher.”
“Then I realized that my feelings of guilt although not baseless were not required. I realized Kanchan was doing fine but my wife was not.” Kapil took Arpita’s both hands in his and softly murmured, “And so here I am with the love of my life.”
Arpita smiled through her tears, “let’s have another cup”
©Copyrights to this story rests with Antara Banerjee. 2010
Life again
Since last evening, Kapil has been acting strange. His usual silence has gone, been talking on and on. He has shared anecdotes of his office, colleagues even of college days which if not shocking is actually surprising.
Arpita is confused. First it took her six months to adjust with a husband whose preferred means of answering was monosyllables, ‘’yes’’, ‘’no’’, “thanks”, ‘’hmm’’, ‘’lets see’’, ‘’why not’’…maybe, fair enough, sure were others in the series.
And suddenly after 6 months, it’s like sleeping with a stranger. Yuck!
“You know Pits,” there he goes again thought Arpita as Kapil sauntered in the kitchen with the newspaper in his hand, ‘’lets’ bunk office today.” He said it very casually but because he said it, the work horse, Arpita almost choked on her coffee.
Within next two hours they were on the road zipping towards Jaipur, while she instructed her assistant about the store and certain priority orders, he just sent a simple message to his boss.
The road was smooth, weather was near perfect and the mood was amusing, all of them together had crafted a happy journey. Arpita was lost in her thoughts, going over the last six months of her married life which was also the first six months of her married life. Kapil has always been the thorough gentleman. Polite, but not friendly, articulate bit not talkative, well mannered but not warm. Caring but not loving. Their nights had intimate moments and passionate snatches which always ended abruptly. As if those moments were not a deliberate endeavour to complete a relationship but hasty attempts to achieve normalcy when it was least there.
Her in –laws preferred to return to Allahabad so within a fortnight of her marriage, she was the mistress of the huge deluxe apartment in the posh DLF Phase IV, Gurgaon. Initially she tried to bestow more attention to Kapil and their home and expected a deluge of love and camaraderie in return. When the reciprocation remained a trickle, she went back to her first love, Maya, her studio. She was an expert in jewellery designing and had won numerous awards for the same.
Maya kept her going.
“Am hungry, Pits, wake up” Kapil snapped his fingers in front of her; “You are lost, where?” His amused look brought a smile on her face and she replied, “let’s stop somewhere to eat.” “Yeah but am not liking any of the dhabas we are passing by, but then I am famished too.”
They finally stopped at a small dhaba. The mud floor was sprinkled with water, the sweet fragrance of jasmine welcomed them and the spotlessly clean seating arrangement looked so inviting. The man at the counter welcomed them with a namaste and a friendly smile. Kapil was a tea lover, the stronger the better. Arpita’s relied on green tea but dhaba chai was always welcome.
Adjacent t the dhaba was a green field full of mustard crop. It looked beautiful. They requested their teas and pakodas to be served at the small patch of grass near the field. The small grassy carpet under a shady tree looked as if it was designed by nature for them. Sipping hot and sweet ginger tea, seated under the shade, with bites of oily and spicy pakodas is any fitness freaks’ nightmare but today was different.
“What do you think Pits, why I am behaving so differently? You must be surprised but then you are so patient. Not one question. Or are you too hurt to even bother me with any question.” The way he looked at her dried her throat. His voice sounded heavy with an emotion that she found so difficult to accept. Guilt.
He questioned again, “Don’t you want to ask me anything.” The pleading in his voice was dropping from his eyes. His steady stare made Arpita uncomfortable, ashamed and naked as if she was with a total stranger.
He turned away. The highway was visible from there but they will not be seen from the roads. He took another bite off a pakoda. After taking a long sip, he started slowly, “I loved Kanchan a lot.” Arpita let an I-thought-so smile faintly escape from her and shook her head. “We dreamt and planned for a life together. She was very extrovert, exceptionally talented and unquestionably ambitious. The only thing she lacked was beauty but all her other attributes added an aura to her plain looks and opened all doors for her.”
“And then I saw you at Anshul’s wedding. My eyes followed you the entire evening.” For the first time since yesterday, Arpita was shocked really shocked. Kapil had seen her before their first meeting as arranged by their families. Now she was all ears!
“I watched you in admiration. The more I wanted to turn away thinking of Kanchan, the more you pulled me back. You are definitely better looking but appearances never my priority. It was everything about you. Then Buaji spotted me looking at you. She told me everything about you and your family. How your mother single handedly brought you up. How you worked your way to college and started working young.”
“That’s why I was surprised to know your bua asking to meet Ma. After all divorced women are outcastes and their kids are treated similarly,” blurted out Arpita.
“My parents and I do not possess such disgusting mentality.’’ Kapil reached out and took Arpita’s hands in his and squeezed it firmly. “What did you say to Kanchan, how did she reacted? It was unfair to her.”
Kapil let out a deep sigh. “I went over it for a week before speaking to her. For once she was speechless. While I was fumbling and fretting, trying my best to appear normal and making a complete mess of it, she got up, hugged me and left. Without saying a word. I knew she was running away so that I don’t see her crying. The next day she left Delhi. And till yesterday I was cursing myself for hurting her so monstrously.
“Till yesterday?”
“Yeah, the seminar I was at, even Kanchan was attending the same. I saw her and stayed rooted to the spot. She saw me, waved at me and rushed to meet me. There was no animosity, no accusation, no bitterness at all. She is currently the MD of a Singaporean IT company. Still unmarried but immensely successful. She took me out for lunch and over there accepted that my decision was not wrong.” Kapil waited for few seconds and then continued, “I feel she could not say it to me that my decision released her and helped her in flying higher.”
“Then I realized that my feelings of guilt although not baseless were not required. I realized Kanchan was doing fine but my wife was not.” Kapil took Arpita’s both hands in his and softly murmured, “And so here I am with the love of my life.”
Arpita smiled through her tears, “let’s have another cup”
©Copyrights to this story rests with Antara Banerjee. 2010
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